Did you know the way you type TEXT MESSAGES gives away your AGE?

So you’re at some funky cafe and trying to impress the crowd with your new hipster glad-rags and aqua-glass reflector aviators, sipping on your skinny chai latte with a double twist of lemon and sending all your besties text messages about your social plans when a crowd of young dudes swan past, stare at you scornfully and shake their heads with derision….

Why, you think? Surely I don’t look too old for these super-tight Sass and Bide jeans? Surely they can’t see my wrinkly neck under my carefully draped designer scarf? No honey, that’s not the problem. IT’S THE WAY YOU ARE TYPING YOUR TEXT MESSAGE!!!

Granny texting

Granny texting

Ah yes, listen and learn, oh youth-aspirational aged ones. I have been given this pearl of wisdom from teen son who gave ME such a look when we happened to be out recently IN PUBLIC. You see, I was holding the phone in ONE HAND and texting by using my FOREFINGER on the OTHER HAND.

Don’t you get it? That means you are OLD!!!! Yes, smart phones came out well past your youth years so you need to stare at the screen and tap those letters carefully for fear of making a mistake because you really don’t want to put on your reading glasses.

One-handed texting - DUrhhhh

One-handed texting – Durhhhh….


If you are young, you only use ONE HAND when texting. Because you are cool. Because your eyes are perfect. And because you are SO thumb-efficient you could enter the Olympic sport of thumb-texting tomorrow and blitz it on behalf of Australia, scoring gold medals all the way home.


If you are NOT able to text with one hand, using your dexterous thumb, then please hide your backward texting style in a shaded corner where so you won’t embarrass those you are with.

Thumb-typing is the way to go

Thumb-typing is the way to go


I am sure you will be eternally grateful I have passed this knowledge on to you. Now you really CAN pretend to be young without spending a fortune on Botox, driving a convertible and buying those over-priced label-bragging jeans. I just saved you a fortune.

If I was REALLY cool, I’d say, ‘You’re welcome’ before you say ‘Thank you’, but I’m not, so I won’t.


My next scientific self-improvement experiment – post muffin-top

You all loved the blogs about my muffin-top experiment so much that I’ve decided I really should get off my butt and try another beauty treatment – just to keep you entertained. I mean, heck, it’s not like I CARE what I look like, or anything??? All in the name of duty, right?

It just seems that’s there’s so MUCH stuff out there about how to improve our faces and bodies – how do we actually sift the good from the shonky and know what actually works?

Jocelyn Wildenstein

Jocelyn Wildenstein


Don’t go thinking I’m going to turn into some kind of Jocelyn Wildenstein, though. I do understand the meaning of restraint. And just in case I went all silly, I KNOW Fletch would pull me into line. He even hates lipstick. To the point that he WIPED HIS MOUTH after kissing me at the alter during our wedding. The shame…

Luckily the kind folk at the Liberty Belle Clinic in Toorak, where I underwent the Cool Sculpting process, are happy to help out, so I went along to check out the different procedures available.


Pelleve brochure

Pelleve brochure

Looking through all their brochures, I learned there’s a helluva lot of different and NEW treatments available to improve ourselves that I’ve never heard of. I could easily hang around this clinic for years. After focusing so much on my tummy last year, I thought it was time my face got a bit of attention. When I saw this brochure with the line ‘A Fresher Face WiTHOUT Surgery’ – I snatched it up faster than you could say ‘Botox’. Because, yes, I have had Botox and I love it, but something new and different is always appealing. This treatment is called Pelleve.



I’m at that age where anything promoting WRINKLE REDUCTION warrants immediate attention, especially now those nasty lines around the neck region are becoming more prominent. Unfortunately, if I’m to blog about this, it means more humiliating photos of myself to show you what really happens….

Side profile - NO MAKE-UP!!!

Side profile – NO MAKE-UP!!!


So I have to show you a really ICKY close-up photo of my face without makeup, so you can get the gist. Ewww. These pics are taken by the lovely staff at Liberty Belle in the same photo room each time so the lighting is consistent too – very legit!! This snap was taken before my first treatment.



Before and after photos

Before and after photos


But getting back to how Pelleve works… In the brochure, it explains how a metal probe is used over the skin – using gradual radio frequency that becomes quite hot at times – to stimulate the re-growth of collagen. The effect is not immediate and you really need about three treatments over a course of several months. But I’m assured it WILL work.




To give you a much better understanding of the science behind all this, I’m going to interview Dr Chris Moss (you met him last time, chatting about the Cool Sculpting fat freezing treatment) who will explain it properly. He’s a very busy man, but I’m going to nail him down in the next few weeks for the nitty gritty and get back to you. Then I’ll have some Pelleve sessions and, over time, we’ll see how my wrinkles go. (Away, I hope.)

(For further enquiries, contact the Liberty Belle Skin Centre on 9826 9988 Address: 504 – 506 Toorak Road, Toorak)