I can’t believe it’s a year since I last wrote about taking a Christmas break from Blogging – surely that was only a month ago? Wasn’t it?
But then I look back at the calendar and see how many Blogs I’ve written, the places I’ve travelled to and the path life has taken me and realise that yes, indeed, a whole year has just whizzed on by yet again…
Right now, there’s other demands on my time that mean I might be posting less Blogs than usual at the start of 2014. There’s several creative writing projects that need my attention and I have learnt in the past few months that I just can’t do both.
To write creatively is a different matter altogether to writing a Blog and requires me to enter what I call ‘The Zone’. That means no other mental distractions – no matter how trivial – so I can be fully immersed in the world I’m conjuring.
As we come to the end of 2013, I’ll re-post a few of the most popular stories from throughout the year, and no doubt, there’ll be some adventures and embarrassing tales that I’ll need to share, but for now, I’m taking a break!
So I wish you all a VERY Happy Christmas and holiday season, and a multitude of blessings for the New Year.
Thanks for your support throughout 2013 and I’ll be back when I’ve conquered those creative dragons battling for my attention. Until then, take care, Christmas kisses and good luck.
It’s an impossible task – sitting down at one’s computer trying to write about Tim Winton’s latest novel, Eyrie. I’ve been staring at the blank page for hours, contemplating how to do such a book justice. Much has been said already and far more eloquently that I could ever hope to express. But persist I will, because as we hurtle into the holiday period, I know many of you will be looking for something new to read at the beach or on a plane. Time is of essence, so you need to choose wisely. Read something entertaining but also worthwhile. Something that will resonate and stir the soul, take you away from trashy tabloid mags and cheap reality TV. Tim Winton’s latest novel, Eyrie, would be my Number One pick. So where do I begin in explaining why? It’s an epic task. I have to remind myself that Tim Winton himself will not read this. So I shall remove the fear of disappointing so great a mind with my trivial ramblings and chat away. Because a BLOG is not a ‘serious’ book review. It’s more of a friendly natter between pals about something I think you’ll like. For starters, Eyrie is a real page-turner. Not since Winton’s Cloudstreet, have I enjoyed one of his novels as much. Well, hang on, I was fond of Breath, but Cloudstreet was always my favourite. And I think that was because of the characters. Flawed individuals struggling to find a place in the world. It’s a very Australian ‘thing’, isn’t it? Backing the underdog and rooting for any small victories they win along the way.
That’s also how I felt about Eyrie’s main protagonist, Tom Keely. He’s down and out, divorced and unemployed and the first time we meet, he’s trying to face the world, suffering a killer hangover. I liked him straight away. There’s also a sense of injustice about his grimy circumstances – how this former environmental activist ended up in a wasteland high-rise. We want to know more about how he got there and if he’ll turn the corner. Keely discovers a neighbour living in his apartment block is an old childhood friend, Gemma Buck. She’s a coarse, flinty former beauty who smokes like a chimney and speaks her mind. Her grandson, Kai, catches Keely’s attention and slowly, he starts to re-engage with the world. When a sinister threat emerges and puts Kai at risk, the action steps up. Keely starts making plans.
‘Saving’ others is a central theme of the book… Spoiler alert, page 289
But I’m not going to give you the whole plot or any real spoilers here. Although I should also mention, as far as one of the central themes goes, it’s Keely’s mother who provides the clues. Doris, is a strong and endearing character who knows her son better than he knows himself. As she tells him two-thirds into the book, ‘To save a drowner, you need to be a swimmer.’ Yes, there’s many characters in this book trying to save others. Doris and Keely’s sister, Faith, are trying to save him from himself, while he tries to save Gemma and Kai. Swimming, surfing, the great Aussie ocean, floating and all things aquatic have always featured heavily in Winton’s writing, and are again present in Eyrie. Although like the title suggests, from living up high in his lofty nest, his ‘eyrie’, Keely has a keen sense of a propensity to fall, a feeling of vertigo that may pull him down to a point where getting up is a questionable possibility. And that is what keeps us, the reader, turning the page, anxious to learn of Keely’s fate. It’s as if Winton is trying to draw his own focus away from the water for a change. So birdlife, flying and falling themes pull us away from the water to a more ‘airy’ level in this novel.
Every time I finish a Tim Winton book I marvel at the mind behind the words. It makes you want to know more about the man himself, but in real life, he gives very little away. He leads a private existence and rarely attends public events. Which probably explains how he’s been able to write and publish 25 books. The inside of Eyrie’s cover gives just a brief resume of his vast achievements. Yes, completely overwhelming. He’s won the Miles Franklin Award FOUR times.
Enough from me. Read Eyrie instead. If you’d like a copy of your own, order through Bookworld at Bookworld.com.au and by quoting this code – BW-SEO14 – you’ll receive a FIVE PER CENT discount.
This offer is valid until January 31st. It mightn’t sound like much, but that brings the price down to about $32, which is much less than the $45 being charged by Penguin books. (And that includes postage!!)
It’s an annual event and an invitation much sought after by Melbourne’s media girls – the Women in Media Lunch at Crown. That’s not just because Crown’s Ann Peacock always puts on such a wonderful day with superb food and champagne, it’s the company invited AND the incredible goody bag you stumble home with after a day of indulgence…
Last Friday we gathered at SILKS restaurant where the staff prepared a stunning feast of delicate dishes that blew my diet out of the water… not that I cared one bit!
In this case, the photos I took will best tell the story of how the day panned out so let’s take a look:
Never too old to sit on Santa’s knee – me with Herald Sun columnist Wendy Tuohy and Santa!
A highlight of the day was the entertainment – songs performed by a young man with one of the most beautiful voices I’ve heard – 11-year-old Beau Woodbridge. You’ll get the chance to hear him too when he performs at Carols By Candelight with David Hobson on Christmas Eve. And yes, you may have recognised his surname. His father is none other than tennis great Todd Woodbridge.
Whitening cream and skin evaluation voucher from Liberty Belle
Plus there were movie passes from Roadshow and Palace cinemas, all adding up to possibly the best-ever goody bag I’ve seen. Huge thanks to Ann Peacock, Crown and all the sponsors for such a wonderful day.
Every day brings with it a fresh start and for me, today is about clearing out old stories from the Blog (delete, Kaput, good-bye!!) and re-starting the FIT FIX Diet Plan. Yep, it’s back to a JUICE FAST day for me.
I’m well aware it’s not particularly interesting reading material to keep banging on about this diet, but I do know it’s the only way to make myself stick to the straight and narrow. So I’m just going to keep plugging away and this time, try to keep the updates regular, confess to all my sins and add in any new recipes or diet tips as they come to hand.
It’s also fair reason to add in a few funny life stories for amusement.
Take last night for instance. Of course I couldn’t have an AFD when taking part in a Trivia night with friends at the local pub! And after a few chardys, it seemed only fair to buy a shared dessert plate for the table to keep our brain cells active. So the diet went out the window.
But I think the sugar did the trick. While we didn’t win, we were only a few points away from victory. There were some stellar moments from the group – such as recognising the theme music from TV show Water Rats and knowing the name of the U.S. military decoration given to those wounded in battle. (It’s a Purple Heart)
I didn’t know many answers, but had one fine brain flash when we were asked what was the only anagram in the English language for the word ‘exclaims’. And I got it in a second!! Shall I give you a minute to think about it?
The thing I love about breaking my diet is that I can always find someone or something else to take the blame. In this case, I blame Mal Walden. It all started last week on Wednesday night when there were drinks at a pub after he finished reading his final Ten News bulletin. The next day I posted a picture of an empty ice-cream bucket found in the sink that morning…
I call it emotional eating. Mal’s leaving Ten is indeed the end of an era and I’m not immune to the emotions that go along with all of that.
As well, It’s obviously NOT a good time of year to begin a new health mission, what with the plethora of festive occasions that make eating and drinking mandatory. To be quite frank, in the last week I have been nothing short of appalling.
And you can see the results in the tummy bulge, popping out in this photo where I was snapped having a drink and a laugh with Mal at Parliament House last night. If you’ve been following my blogging updates with the FIT FIX Diet Plan, you will have noticed there haven’t been many instalments in the last week. Basically, that’s because there’s too many sins to be recounted. It’s just too plain embarrassing…
So now I really do have to start being ‘good’ again. At least I’m still weighing in at a couple of kilos LESS than when I started the campaign. But that dress really does look too tight. BAD.
Yep, there it is again – THAT tummy – in a reunion snap taken of the old Ten News team from back in the year 2000. And NO, I’m not pregnant… I really would like to get back to the 66kg mark I touched on for just one day at the end of week two. Now I’m up to 68.5 again. Boo.
The boys are all holding up pretty well, aren’t they? Congratulations to Stephen Quartermain who will now be filling the chair as main news anchor for Ten News. I know he’ll do a fine job.
But I have another food update for you. As you may know, I’m a lover of yoghurt but do try to find products with less than five per cent sugar. Recently, my nephew who works at JALNA, gave me a range of their products to try. At first I scrunched up my nose, saying, ‘Nah, most of that yoghurt is about TEN per cent sugar!’
‘But no,’, said Nathan, ‘Jalna doesn’t use any sugar in its yoghurt. They use pear juice instead.’
Now technically fruit juice is still high in sugar, but at least it’s not the processed kind! And given the sugar content is still less than TEN per cent in most varieties, I am now going to include JALNA yoghurt in the FIT FIX Diet Plan. I really think the company should promote the ‘no sugar’ fact on their packaging as I would have considered buying it before now if I’d known.
The new Citrus flavour is great, and I’ve always loved the Honey-Vanilla. But there’s one new variety I’m especially keen on – the new Greek ‘Sweet and Creamy’ yoghurt. Hmmmm – heavenly! And only 9.6% sugar. A much better alternative to ice-cream!!
Things are always changing in the Blogosphere, and it seems there’s a growing philosophy among those more knowledgable than I, that Blogs should be deleted after a certain period of time.
That way your website doesn’t look outdated, plus it’s a good excuse to ditch the pieces you just don’t like anymore.
Just ask Web expert Gerry McGovern, whose client list includes corporate giants such as Microsoft, Cisco, VMware, IBM, Atlas Copco and Tetra Pak.
‘Bringing customers to a page with wrong content is like bringing customers into a car salesroom to show them your cars that won’t start and have scratches all over the paintwork.’ ~ Gerry McGovern
There are others who dispute this; who claim the more Blogs that are up and available for readers to access, the better. That it’s like owning real estate. i.e. The more Blogs available to consumers – like properties for rent – the more ‘hits’, or rent payments you get.
I reckon there’s something to be said for both arguments, but am leaning toward the former. Another marketing expert has advised me to become more savvy about how I earn money from the Blog – something I’ve been loathe to take into account because it clashes with my traditional journalistic ethics. Her opinion is that I’m giving too much free publicity to businesses who give nothing in return.
The world is changing and journalists and writers are earning less while the costs of everything around us goes up. So yes, I am going to have to reconsider the way I run my business. This means I will still maintain the absolute essentials – that I will maintain absolute independence and never recommend anything I don’t like, regardless of inducements. I will always give an honest opinion whether money or gifts are involved or not. (And in most cases, they aren’t.) Examples in the past include NOT writing about venues, restaurants, products or books I don’t like, even after being offered incentives to do so.
As a result, this Blog – now nearly two years old – is about to get a very minor facelift. Meaning I’m going to go back to the beginning to review all content – deleting items I consider out-dated and considering whether to approach relevant businesses who have benefitted from free publicity about whether to leave those Blogs in place or not.
Personally, I like the simplest of transactions – being sent something I like, telling you about it and then being able to give you a discount option to sample the same product or book. Here’s a case in point. I’ve been sent a copy of Eyrie, the wonderful new book by Tim Winton. I’m in the middle of writing a review which I’ll be posting shortly, but can already tell you it’s brilliant and well worth reading.
So if you’d like a copy of your own, order through Bookworld at Bookworld.com.au and by quoting this code – BW-SEO14 – you’ll receive a FIVE PER CENT discount. This offer is valid until January 31st. It mightn’t sound like much, but that brings the price down to about $32, which is much less than the $45 being charged by Penguin books. (And that includes postage!!)
And don’t forget – if there’s something you may have seen on Facebook or Twitter from this Blog and not had time to read yet – get on to it. Some Blogs may get a quick re-run before deletion – others will just vanish into the stratosphere.
Former Channel Ten colleague and news librarian John Fife – a man famous for his wicked sense of humour and dry wit – just sent through a wonderful collection of old and now completely politically INCORRECT ads from yesteryear that I just had to share with you. It’s the end of the week after all and time for a few Friday funnies to give us all a laugh.
More slavery disguised as presents… Yes, I AM crying.
Of course, such sexist advertising now seems hilarious. Or frightening. Perhaps both. At least we can sigh with relief that those days are now well and truly gone and we can look at how far we’ve come.
Then there are ads which show how much our use of language and medication has changed…
Read the fine print. We’re being told that the EARLIER babies drink sugar-laden chemically filled soft drinks, like COLA, the more likely they are to find social acceptance among their peers… This, from the SODA POP BOARD OF AMERICA!!! It’s a wonder babies from that era survived.
And speaking of survival, it’s this kind of advertising that leaves me speechless…
Makes you wonder what the next generation will think of our ads today. No doubt there’ll be a MAD MEN TV series from the year 2000, documenting our frightful, Neanderthal ways. For now, I like looking back and feeling smug that society is a little more tolerant, a little less sexist and a whole lot healthier than way back then. Phew.
I’ve had a bit of feedback that getting this FIT FIX Diet Plan in dribs and drabs is a bit messy and you’d like to see it laid out in its entirety to get a clearer picture about what’s going on. Again, I reiterate that this is a diet I’ve devised for myself as an experiment and you really should check with someone who knows more about these things than me (like a doctor) before embarking on this program.
1. Things you can’t eat: potato, rice, bread and products with more than 5% sugar content. (the sugar rule doesn’t apply to wine or the one day you are allowed chocolate!)
2. You must write down everything you eat and count calories. (sounds boring but I have an easy solution for this!)
3. You must exercise every day for a minimum of between 45 minutes and an hour. I am going to aim for spin classes four days a week, plus two lots of abdominal classes and two sessions of body toning or weights workouts. If you don’t go to a gym, you can ride a bike, run and do toning exercises at home.
4. You must weigh yourself every day.
5. You must have three alcohol-free days a week. I calculate my week starting on a Sunday.
6. You can have one day off the regime per week where you eat what you like and ditch the calorie counting.
3. An I-phone or device that can use the My Net Diary App. This is my secret weapon in the fight against flab. It means you can easily put in all your measurements and target weight and it will calculate how much you should safely eat per day in order to lose weight. Add in everything you eat to keep your calories quota in check!
WEEK ONE – FOOD PLAN
SUNDAY-TUESDAY – Start with a 3-day juice fast to put you in the right frame of mind for your new weight-loss mission. For more tips about juice fasting, see blogs dated from November 19th. ( https://jenniferhansen.com.au/?p=4566 )
Breakfast – The Muesli (50 grams) with skim milk, (100ml), Greek yogurt (50g) and frozen berries (25g). Snack – 2 celery sticks Lunch – can of Sirena basil tuna, lettuce and spring onion Snack – Tamara sugar-free yoghurt with berries (small tub) Dinner – Bolognaise sauce – NO PASTA, plus two glasses of red wine
Breakfast – Uncle Toby’s Quick Oats sachet with 125ml skim milk and 1/2 a cup of frozen raspberries Snack – 2 celery sticks Lunch – 4 Vita-Wheat 9-grain biscuits with 2 light cheese slices and ham Snack – Earl Grey tea with 30ml skim milk and an apple Dinner – Left-over Bolognaise sauce
Breakfast – Oat Bran pancakes Snack – hard-boiled egg Lunch – Tuna salad with can of Sirena chilli-basil tuna, chopped lettuce and 2 spring onions Snack – Cup of tea with skim milk and Tamara sugar-free yoghurt with berries (small tub) Dinner – Grilled chicken fillet and broccoli
Breakfast – The Muesli (50g), low-fat Greek yogurt, skim milk and frozen raspberries Snack – 2 Cruskits with onion/chive Philadelphia cream cheese Lunch – Cold beef, lettuce and tomato salad Snack – Body LoCarb Bites (chocolate protein balls – still under the %5 sugar rule) Dinner – Stir-fry garlic prawns and veggies
WEDNESDAY
Breakfast – Berry smoothie (using Swisse Slim Shake protein powder), Greek yoghurt, frozen berries and skim milk Snack – 2 sticks celery Lunch – Ham, spring onion and tomato omelette Snack – Tamara sugar-free berry yoghurt (small tub) Dinner – Mongolian lamb stir-fry
Breakfast – Oat Bran pancakes Snack – Herbal tea, Lunch – Mashed avocado (50g) spread over 2 Light Cruskits topped with four cherry tomatoes Snack – 1 apple Dinner – I chicken pattie with papaya salad
FRIDAY
Breakfast – Uncle Toby’s instant oats with berries Snack – Hard-boiled egg Lunch – Chicken tikka pieces (about 125g + 166 calories) I buy it pre-made from the supermarket and heat it up in the microwave. Simple. Snack – Tamara sugar-free mixed berries yoghurt (small tub) Dinner – left over chicken patties and papaya salad (recipe listed in Wednesday’s blog)
SATURDAY – DAY OFF. Eat what you like!
WEEK THREE – FOOD PLAN
MONDAY – Juice Fast Day, (juices from Pressed Juices)
Breakfast – The Muesli, yoghurt and frozen berries Snack – Hard-boiled egg Lunch – 4 Vita-Wheat 9-grain biscuits with 2 light cheese slices and ham Snack – Body LoCarb Bites (chocolate protein balls – still under the %5 sugar rule) Dinner – Pesto salmon grilled with broccoli
WEDNESDAY
Breakfast – Berry smoothie (ingredients as per above) Snack – 2 celery sticks Lunch – Sirena tuna, lettuce and spring onion salad Snack – 2 Cruskits spread with onion/chive Philadelphia cream cheese Dinner – Cold beef salad
Breakfast – Oat Bran pancakes Snack – Yoghurt Lunch – Peppered Salmon portion (pre-packed from supermarket – 217 per piece) and 1 carrot Snack – 1 apple Dinner – Grilled fillet Tandoori chicken with broccoli
FRIDAY
Breakfast – Uncle Toby’s instant oats with berries Snack – 2 celery sticks Lunch – Mashed avocado (50g) spread over 2 Light Cruskits topped with four cherry tomatoes Snack – Yoghurt Dinner – Grilled flake and salad
SATURDAY – DAY OFF. Eat what you like!
So there you have it! Three weeks of a food plan completely mapped out for you. I haven’t specified weights for all the food servings, as you can be flexible – as long as you weigh your food and record the details in your I-Phone My Net Diary App and keep under your daily calorie limit, you’ll be fine.
Most days listed have a food requirement UNDER the calorie limit, which allows you to add in snacks or larger meals, depending on how hungry you are. And you can drink wine – as long as (again!) you stick to your calorie quota.
Sampling Shane Warne’s new ’99 Not Out’ exclusive beer!
There will be days when you sin. I do – often…
Take last night for instance. After a fabulous party at Club 23 at Crown, where I very much enjoyed not only trying a new beer cricket legend Shane Warne helped create himself, aptly titled 99 NOT OUT, (very nice, it is too!) but I also had a couple of wines…
Now, the biggest problem with alcohol is how much it sabotages your will-power. Hence why we NEED at least THREE alcohol-free days a week.
I thought I’d been reasonably well-behaved with my food intake yesterday. Even at the party, where there was a wonderful array of delicious finger-food, I was restrained – only having ONE item – a small peking duck pancake. But then I woke up this morning and found THIS on the kitchen sink along with the dirty dishes, yet to be tidied up…
Yep, I’d demolished what was left of the cookies and cream ice-cream. ALL GONE.
As I always say, you just have to pick yourself up and start all over again… At least my weight has stayed down below the 70kg mark – now on 68.2kg. So I do think the FIT FIX Diet Plan works. Especially if you actually stick to the rules… Let’s see if I can get to my goal weight of 64kg. I’ll keep plodding along and document how this goes just to keep me accountable. I know it’s hardly riveting stuff, but it’s working for me, so selfishly, I’ll stick to blogging about it too. I’ll add new recipes, confess my sins and answer any questions you might have. Stay tuned!
There’s always going to be times when you hit a few speed bumps when trying to stick to a new diet regime and in my case, the last few days have been more like a major road block.
Yes, I could have been strong but faced with an all-night movie marathon session on Friday of Nightmare on Elm Street films back-to-back, I knew I wouldn’t survive without chocolate. And lots of it. And jelly beans. So Friday’s FIT FIX Diet Plan went out of the window.
That led into Saturday, which is generally a DAY OFF from the regime. Now, given I’d pigged out the night before, I should have been good, but no, I stuck to the plan of having a day off and kept the piggy on a mission theme going strong.
That meant two pieces of raisin toast with lashings of butter for breakfast, the rest of the chocolate block from the night before for morning tea, leftover Mongolian lamb for lunch and a night out at Riva restaurant in St Kilda for dinner, with lychee cocktails AND wine. I also practically demolished an entire Asian plate of duck spring rolls and fried calamari. And then there was a shared dessert platter. Except I did most of the eating.
Then Fletch’s brother was visiting from Perth last night so of course we HAD to go out to dinner and again, I got stuck into dessert. And wine.
And that explains why I haven’t been blogging about the amazing FIT FIX Diet Plan for the last few days. It HAD been working a treat. After starting out at 71.4kg, I had dropped to 66.7kg and was mighty pleased with myself. And therein lies another problem with dieting. Success breeds contempt and yes, I let myself sit on my laurels, and boy, did they get squashed.
Check out the latest chart results after today’s scales reading. Yep, that little black line has skyrocketed! Today I’m back up to 68.8. It’s a bit depressing, but I’m going to pick myself up, dust off the sugar crumbs and get back to work.
At least I went back to Pressed Juices yesterday to stock up on supplies for today’s JUICE FAST. My body is looking forward to it.
I’ve also had feedback that you’d like to have the FIT FIX Diet Plan listed in a weekly format, so you can plan ahead yourselves. So that’s going to be my next blog. Let’s hope it helps us ALL stick to the straight and narrow…
While I do take my journalistic profession quite seriously, I have to admit it to having a bout of the giggles while interviewing my own husband. I mean, it does feel a bit ridiculous, after all, when you’ve been married for more than twenty years – to put a taping device between the two of you to start a process of ‘formal’ questioning…
Fletch wasn’t enamoured with the idea either. He even tried fobbing me off with a press release instead! Are you kidding? His own wife? There isn’t a self-respecting journalist on the planet that would do a story on the back of a mere media release. Well, except for the super-lazy and disinterested. I’ve got plenty of faults, but I’m not those.
This was an interview that HAD to be done properly. It’s all about Fletch’s new Christmas song – If You Want A Happy Christmas – out today on ITunes for a teensy-weensy $1.69. https://itun.es/i6Fb88M #iTunes
It’s an upbeat, catchy tune that will put you in the festive spirit, plus all the profits from the song will go to a wonderful charity, Blue September, to aid cancer research.
Fletch recorded the song with harmony singing sensations, The Pacific Belles, who also feature prominently in the video which can be seen on You Tube. The clip has already had more than 9,000 views. Check it out at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMeRu-0q8E8
He even called on help from his ‘neighbours’ to take part in the video – with actors and great friends Stefan Dennis, Chris Milligan and James Mason joining in the shenanigans, playing the roles of a rather funky Santa and a couple of cheeky elves.
But enough from me. Let’s get straight into that interview. And just for the record, I call him ‘ALAN’, not Fletch in this interview, because I am, after all, a complete professional.
————————————————————————————————-
JEN: So tell how you came up with the lyrics for your new song? ALAN: I’m happy to, but I’m only going to give you one shot at this because I know you’re very, very unreliable with recording interviews. So have you got a back up plan here?
(Okay, so maybe there have been technical glitches with a couple – just a couple – of interviews I’ve recorded on my IPhone that have had to be re-recorded…)
JEN: (laughter) Ah, only my fantastic memory. ALAN: Okay then, we’ll see how you go.
JEN: So, the lyrics? ALAN: The lyrics? Oh yes, right. Well, I personally am not a huge fan of the commercialisation of Christmas and so when I came to write a Christmas song, I wanted to do something that was fun but I wanted it to have a little bit of a message as well, and to shift the focus away from present-giving and back on to connecting with the ones you love.
JEN: Is this just a really elaborate way of you saying you’re NOT going to be buying me a present this year? ALAN: Yes. Yes, you’re getting nothin’ but a big, big smooch right under the mistletoe.
JEN: But what about the diamond hoop ear-rings I really want? (much laughter as of course, I would never expect something so expensive from my very un-materialistic husband) ALAN: Well, there’s plenty of rich bastards out there who will buy their wives diamond hoop ear-rings but that won’t get them anything. And you’re not going to get any.
JEN: Well, that’s just mean. ALAN: Move on.
JEN: Why were you reluctant to be interviewed by me? ALAN: Because you’re too invasive as an interviewer and you have a reputation for running with sleaze.
JEN: Rubbish! Give me an example. ALAN: Your cosmetic blogs. They’re full of sleaze.
(I have no idea what he is talking about…)
JEN: Well, what about your song with the line in it about kissing under the mistletoe with a MERRY HO? What does that mean? You want to pash a drunken whore under a green leaf? ALAN: Would you stop wasting my time?
JEN: No, this is my interview and I’m running it so just answer the question. Do you really think it’s appropriate we should be singing about drunken whores to our children at Christmas time? ALAN: Well, it’s better to sleep with a drunken whore than a sober one. JEN: Why? ALAN: Because they won’t remember you the next day.
JEN: Time to move on. So what measure of success do you need from this song to make all the hard work worthwhile? ALAN: I’d like it to have widespread distribution and recognition over the years – not just this year – and that I don’t make a loss.
JEN: So you want it to be played in shopping centres, at carols nights etc..? FLETCH: I would like it to be played wherever people feel festive. I think it’s a festive song with a really good hook and I think people will enjoy it.
JEN: It’s already being touted by the Daily Mirror as a potential Number One hit. That’s a good start, isn’t it? ALAN: That was very kind of them and if reaches Number One on the charts, I will be sending them a massive crate of French champagne.
JEN: Will I get any French Champagne? ALAN: You never said it was going to a Number One Hit. You told me it sounded like a Wiggles song.
JEN: The Wiggles are very successful. Do you think it would sell better if you’d made a whole album of Christmas songs? ALAN: And where the hell would I have found the time and money to do that?
JEN: Good point. It’s a very catchy song. Do you find it stays in your head? ALAN: I can’t stop singing it. I wake up singing it, I go to sleep singing it…
JEN: Do you hate it now? ALAN: I don’t hate it, but it haunts me. And everybody I have played it to has had the same reaction.
JEN: That’s called an earworm. Do you know that term? ALAN: I think you mean brain worm.
JEN: No, it’s an ear worm. ALAN: Okay, it’s an ear worm. Nice. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not.
JEN: I suppose you have to put the challenge out to everyone.Can you listen to this song twice without it being stuck in your head? ALAN: So that’s going to be the focus of you blog?
JEN: No, it’s going to be ‘Is he Mr Scrooge or Mr Christmas?’ ALAN: (laughter, rolls on the couch and falls off)
That’s the end of our interview. I quite enjoyed it. I should also mention that If You Want A Happy Christmas was performed by Steve Purcell’s Pearly Shells, written by Alan Fletcher/Tim Smith, produced & mixed by Robin Gray, and recorded at Allan Eaton Studios in Melbourne, Victoria.
So why not buy it today, help Fletch reach Number One on the charts and help a great cause at the same time? Oh, and let me know if you DO think this song really is an ear worm!
