Here’s a fashion label everyone will want to buy…
Former Channel Ten colleague and news librarian John Fife – a man famous for his wicked sense of humour and dry wit – just sent through a wonderful collection of old and now completely politically INCORRECT ads from yesteryear that I just had to share with you. It’s the end of the week after all and time for a few Friday funnies to give us all a laugh.
Not on ANY woman’s Christmas list…Of course, such sexist advertising now seems hilarious. Or frightening. Perhaps both. At least we can sigh with relief that those days are now well and truly gone and we can look at how far we’ve come.
Then there are ads which show how much our use of language and medication has changed…
Bon voyage! Cocaine toothache drops?As for smoking ads, well, if only they knew then what we knew today. Or did they?
Doctors know best… Yeah, we get the double entendre… TACKY! Carpe Diem…But my favourite of all is this one…
Cola for babiesRead the fine print. We’re being told that the EARLIER babies drink sugar-laden chemically filled soft drinks, like COLA, the more likely they are to find social acceptance among their peers… This, from the SODA POP BOARD OF AMERICA!!! It’s a wonder babies from that era survived.
And speaking of survival, it’s this kind of advertising that leaves me speechless…
Go on… spoil yourself.Makes you wonder what the next generation will think of our ads today. No doubt there’ll be a MAD MEN TV series from the year 2000, documenting our frightful, Neanderthal ways. For now, I like looking back and feeling smug that society is a little more tolerant, a little less sexist and a whole lot healthier than way back then. Phew.
I’ve had a bit of feedback that getting this FIT FIX Diet Plan in dribs and drabs is a bit messy and you’d like to see it laid out in its entirety to get a clearer picture about what’s going on. Again, I reiterate that this is a diet I’ve devised for myself as an experiment and you really should check with someone who knows more about these things than me (like a doctor) before embarking on this program.
Here are the basic rules:
FIT FIX DIET RULES:
Sugar-free lollies ARE allowed!1. Things you can’t eat: potato, rice, bread and products with more than 5% sugar content. (the sugar rule doesn’t apply to wine or the one day you are allowed chocolate!)
2. You must write down everything you eat and count calories. (sounds boring but I have an easy solution for this!)
3. You must exercise every day for a minimum of between 45 minutes and an hour. I am going to aim for spin classes four days a week, plus two lots of abdominal classes and two sessions of body toning or weights workouts. If you don’t go to a gym, you can ride a bike, run and do toning exercises at home.
4. You must weigh yourself every day.
5. You must have three alcohol-free days a week. I calculate my week starting on a Sunday.
6. You can have one day off the regime per week where you eat what you like and ditch the calorie counting.
THINGS YOU’LL NEED:
My Net Diary I-Phone App1. Scales to weigh yourself.
2. Scales to weigh the food you eat.
3. An I-phone or device that can use the My Net Diary App. This is my secret weapon in the fight against flab. It means you can easily put in all your measurements and target weight and it will calculate how much you should safely eat per day in order to lose weight. Add in everything you eat to keep your calories quota in check!
WEEK ONE – FOOD PLAN
SUNDAY-TUESDAY – Start with a 3-day juice fast to put you in the right frame of mind for your new weight-loss mission. For more tips about juice fasting, see blogs dated from November 19th. ( https://jenniferhansen.com.au/?p=4566 )
WEDNESDAY
Celery snackBreakfast – The Muesli (50 grams) with skim milk, (100ml), Greek yogurt (50g) and frozen berries (25g).
Snack – 2 celery sticks
Lunch – can of Sirena basil tuna, lettuce and spring onion
Snack – Tamara sugar-free yoghurt with berries (small tub)
Dinner – Bolognaise sauce – NO PASTA, plus two glasses of red wine
THURSDAY
Keeping it simple – ham and cheese on Vita-WheatsBreakfast – Uncle Toby’s Quick Oats sachet with 125ml skim milk and 1/2 a cup of frozen raspberries
Snack – 2 celery sticks
Lunch – 4 Vita-Wheat 9-grain biscuits with 2 light cheese slices and ham
Snack – Earl Grey tea with 30ml skim milk and an apple
Dinner – Left-over Bolognaise sauce
FRIDAY
Basil chilli tuna saladBreakfast – Oat Bran pancakes
Snack – hard-boiled egg
Lunch – Tuna salad with can of Sirena chilli-basil tuna, chopped lettuce and 2 spring onions
Snack – Cup of tea with skim milk and Tamara sugar-free yoghurt with berries (small tub)
Dinner – Grilled chicken fillet and broccoli
SATURDAY – Day off. Eat what you like!
WEEK TWO – FOOD PLAN
SUNDAY
Scrambled eggs and hamBreakfast – 1 cup scrambled eggs and 2 rashes of bacon (or ham)
Snack – celery or carrot
Lunch – Sirena chilli and basil tuna, lettuce and spring onion salad
Snack – Tamara berry yoghurt (small tub)
Dinner – Grilled marinated Steak and broccoli
MONDAY – Juice Fast Day
TUESDAY
An easy and tasty snackBreakfast – The Muesli (50g), low-fat Greek yogurt, skim milk and frozen raspberries
Snack – 2 Cruskits with onion/chive Philadelphia cream cheese
Lunch – Cold beef, lettuce and tomato salad
Snack – Body LoCarb Bites (chocolate protein balls – still under the %5 sugar rule)
Dinner – Stir-fry garlic prawns and veggies
WEDNESDAY
Breakfast – Berry smoothie (using Swisse Slim Shake protein powder), Greek yoghurt, frozen berries and skim milk
Snack – 2 sticks celery
Lunch – Ham, spring onion and tomato omelette
Snack – Tamara sugar-free berry yoghurt (small tub)
Dinner – Mongolian lamb stir-fry
THURSDAY (LOW-CAL intake day)
Avocado tomato CruskitsBreakfast – Oat Bran pancakes
Snack – Herbal tea,
Lunch – Mashed avocado (50g) spread over 2 Light Cruskits topped with four cherry tomatoes
Snack – 1 apple
Dinner – I chicken pattie with papaya salad
FRIDAY
Breakfast – Uncle Toby’s instant oats with berries
Snack – Hard-boiled egg
Lunch – Chicken tikka pieces (about 125g + 166 calories) I buy it pre-made from the supermarket and heat it up in the microwave. Simple.
Snack – Tamara sugar-free mixed berries yoghurt (small tub)
Dinner – left over chicken patties and papaya salad (recipe listed in Wednesday’s blog)
SATURDAY – DAY OFF. Eat what you like!
WEEK THREE – FOOD PLAN
MONDAY – Juice Fast Day, (juices from Pressed Juices)
TUESDAY
BSC Lo Carb BitesBreakfast – The Muesli, yoghurt and frozen berries
Snack – Hard-boiled egg
Lunch – 4 Vita-Wheat 9-grain biscuits with 2 light cheese slices and ham
Snack – Body LoCarb Bites (chocolate protein balls – still under the %5 sugar rule)
Dinner – Pesto salmon grilled with broccoli
WEDNESDAY
Breakfast – Berry smoothie (ingredients as per above)
Snack – 2 celery sticks
Lunch – Sirena tuna, lettuce and spring onion salad
Snack – 2 Cruskits spread with onion/chive Philadelphia cream cheese
Dinner – Cold beef salad
THURSDAY
Salmon portionsBreakfast – Oat Bran pancakes
Snack – Yoghurt
Lunch – Peppered Salmon portion (pre-packed from supermarket – 217 per piece) and 1 carrot
Snack – 1 apple
Dinner – Grilled fillet Tandoori chicken with broccoli
FRIDAY
Breakfast – Uncle Toby’s instant oats with berries
Snack – 2 celery sticks
Lunch – Mashed avocado (50g) spread over 2 Light Cruskits topped with four cherry tomatoes
Snack – Yoghurt
Dinner – Grilled flake and salad
SATURDAY – DAY OFF. Eat what you like!
So there you have it! Three weeks of a food plan completely mapped out for you. I haven’t specified weights for all the food servings, as you can be flexible – as long as you weigh your food and record the details in your I-Phone My Net Diary App and keep under your daily calorie limit, you’ll be fine.
Most days listed have a food requirement UNDER the calorie limit, which allows you to add in snacks or larger meals, depending on how hungry you are. And you can drink wine – as long as (again!) you stick to your calorie quota.
Sampling Shane Warne’s new ’99 Not Out’ exclusive beer!
There will be days when you sin. I do – often…
Take last night for instance. After a fabulous party at Club 23 at Crown, where I very much enjoyed not only trying a new beer cricket legend Shane Warne helped create himself, aptly titled 99 NOT OUT, (very nice, it is too!) but I also had a couple of wines…
Now, the biggest problem with alcohol is how much it sabotages your will-power. Hence why we NEED at least THREE alcohol-free days a week.
Evidence…
I thought I’d been reasonably well-behaved with my food intake yesterday. Even at the party, where there was a wonderful array of delicious finger-food, I was restrained – only having ONE item – a small peking duck pancake. But then I woke up this morning and found THIS on the kitchen sink along with the dirty dishes, yet to be tidied up…
Yep, I’d demolished what was left of the cookies and cream ice-cream. ALL GONE.
As I always say, you just have to pick yourself up and start all over again… At least my weight has stayed down below the 70kg mark – now on 68.2kg. So I do think the FIT FIX Diet Plan works. Especially if you actually stick to the rules… Let’s see if I can get to my goal weight of 64kg. I’ll keep plodding along and document how this goes just to keep me accountable. I know it’s hardly riveting stuff, but it’s working for me, so selfishly, I’ll stick to blogging about it too. I’ll add new recipes, confess my sins and answer any questions you might have. Stay tuned!
There’s always going to be times when you hit a few speed bumps when trying to stick to a new diet regime and in my case, the last few days have been more like a major road block.
A movie marathon essentialYes, I could have been strong but faced with an all-night movie marathon session on Friday of Nightmare on Elm Street films back-to-back, I knew I wouldn’t survive without chocolate. And lots of it. And jelly beans. So Friday’s FIT FIX Diet Plan went out of the window.
That led into Saturday, which is generally a DAY OFF from the regime. Now, given I’d pigged out the night before, I should have been good, but no, I stuck to the plan of having a day off and kept the piggy on a mission theme going strong.
Cafe style raisin toast
That meant two pieces of raisin toast with lashings of butter for breakfast, the rest of the chocolate block from the night before for morning tea, leftover Mongolian lamb for lunch and a night out at Riva restaurant in St Kilda for dinner, with lychee cocktails AND wine. I also practically demolished an entire Asian plate of duck spring rolls and fried calamari. And then there was a shared dessert platter. Except I did most of the eating.
Then Fletch’s brother was visiting from Perth last night so of course we HAD to go out to dinner and again, I got stuck into dessert. And wine.
Weight chartAnd that explains why I haven’t been blogging about the amazing FIT FIX Diet Plan for the last few days. It HAD been working a treat. After starting out at 71.4kg, I had dropped to 66.7kg and was mighty pleased with myself. And therein lies another problem with dieting. Success breeds contempt and yes, I let myself sit on my laurels, and boy, did they get squashed.
Check out the latest chart results after today’s scales reading. Yep, that little black line has skyrocketed! Today I’m back up to 68.8. It’s a bit depressing, but I’m going to pick myself up, dust off the sugar crumbs and get back to work.
Pressed JuicesAt least I went back to Pressed Juices yesterday to stock up on supplies for today’s JUICE FAST. My body is looking forward to it.
I’ve also had feedback that you’d like to have the FIT FIX Diet Plan listed in a weekly format, so you can plan ahead yourselves. So that’s going to be my next blog. Let’s hope it helps us ALL stick to the straight and narrow…
While I do take my journalistic profession quite seriously, I have to admit it to having a bout of the giggles while interviewing my own husband. I mean, it does feel a bit ridiculous, after all, when you’ve been married for more than twenty years – to put a taping device between the two of you to start a process of ‘formal’ questioning…
Fletch wasn’t enamoured with the idea either. He even tried fobbing me off with a press release instead! Are you kidding? His own wife? There isn’t a self-respecting journalist on the planet that would do a story on the back of a mere media release. Well, except for the super-lazy and disinterested. I’ve got plenty of faults, but I’m not those.
This was an interview that HAD to be done properly. It’s all about Fletch’s new Christmas song – If You Want A Happy Christmas – out today on ITunes for a teensy-weensy $1.69. https://itun.es/i6Fb88M #iTunes
Christmas single – now available on I-TunesIt’s an upbeat, catchy tune that will put you in the festive spirit, plus all the profits from the song will go to a wonderful charity, Blue September, to aid cancer research.
Fletch recorded the song with harmony singing sensations, The Pacific Belles, who also feature prominently in the video which can be seen on You Tube. The clip has already had more than 9,000 views. Check it out at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMeRu-0q8E8
He even called on help from his ‘neighbours’ to take part in the video – with actors and great friends Stefan Dennis, Chris Milligan and James Mason joining in the shenanigans, playing the roles of a rather funky Santa and a couple of cheeky elves.
Christmas Video shootBut enough from me. Let’s get straight into that interview. And just for the record, I call him ‘ALAN’, not Fletch in this interview, because I am, after all, a complete professional.
————————————————————————————————-
JEN: So tell how you came up with the lyrics for your new song?
ALAN: I’m happy to, but I’m only going to give you one shot at this because I know you’re very, very unreliable with recording interviews. So have you got a back up plan here?
(Okay, so maybe there have been technical glitches with a couple – just a couple – of interviews I’ve recorded on my IPhone that have had to be re-recorded…)
JEN: (laughter) Ah, only my fantastic memory.
ALAN: Okay then, we’ll see how you go.
JEN: So, the lyrics?
ALAN: The lyrics? Oh yes, right. Well, I personally am not a huge fan of the commercialisation of Christmas and so when I came to write a Christmas song, I wanted to do something that was fun but I wanted it to have a little bit of a message as well, and to shift the focus away from present-giving and back on to connecting with the ones you love.
JEN: Is this just a really elaborate way of you saying you’re NOT going to be buying me a present this year?
ALAN: Yes. Yes, you’re getting nothin’ but a big, big smooch right under the mistletoe.
JEN: But what about the diamond hoop ear-rings I really want? (much laughter as of course, I would never expect something so expensive from my very un-materialistic husband)
ALAN: Well, there’s plenty of rich bastards out there who will buy their wives diamond hoop ear-rings but that won’t get them anything. And you’re not going to get any.
JEN: Well, that’s just mean.
ALAN: Move on.
JEN: Why were you reluctant to be interviewed by me?
ALAN: Because you’re too invasive as an interviewer and you have a reputation for running with sleaze.
JEN: Rubbish! Give me an example.
ALAN: Your cosmetic blogs. They’re full of sleaze.
(I have no idea what he is talking about…)
JEN: Well, what about your song with the line in it about kissing under the mistletoe with a MERRY HO? What does that mean? You want to pash a drunken whore under a green leaf?
ALAN: Would you stop wasting my time?
JEN: No, this is my interview and I’m running it so just answer the question. Do you really think it’s appropriate we should be singing about drunken whores to our children at Christmas time?
ALAN: Well, it’s better to sleep with a drunken whore than a sober one.
JEN: Why?
ALAN: Because they won’t remember you the next day.
JEN: Time to move on. So what measure of success do you need from this song to make all the hard work worthwhile?
ALAN: I’d like it to have widespread distribution and recognition over the years – not just this year – and that I don’t make a loss.
JEN: So you want it to be played in shopping centres, at carols nights etc..?
FLETCH: I would like it to be played wherever people feel festive. I think it’s a festive song with a really good hook and I think people will enjoy it.
JEN: It’s already being touted by the Daily Mirror as a potential Number One hit. That’s a good start, isn’t it?
ALAN: That was very kind of them and if reaches Number One on the charts, I will be sending them a massive crate of French champagne.
JEN: Will I get any French Champagne?
ALAN: You never said it was going to a Number One Hit. You told me it sounded like a Wiggles song.
JEN: The Wiggles are very successful. Do you think it would sell better if you’d made a whole album of Christmas songs?
ALAN: And where the hell would I have found the time and money to do that?
JEN: Good point. It’s a very catchy song. Do you find it stays in your head?
ALAN: I can’t stop singing it. I wake up singing it, I go to sleep singing it…
JEN: Does it haunt you?
ALAN: It haunts me.
JEN: Do you hate it now?
ALAN: I don’t hate it, but it haunts me. And everybody I have played it to has had the same reaction.
JEN: That’s called an earworm. Do you know that term?
ALAN: I think you mean brain worm.
JEN: No, it’s an ear worm.
ALAN: Okay, it’s an ear worm. Nice. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not.
JEN: I suppose you have to put the challenge out to everyone.Can you listen to this song twice without it being stuck in your head?
ALAN: So that’s going to be the focus of you blog?
JEN: No, it’s going to be ‘Is he Mr Scrooge or Mr Christmas?’
ALAN: (laughter, rolls on the couch and falls off)
That’s the end of our interview. I quite enjoyed it. I should also mention that If You Want A Happy Christmas was performed by Steve Purcell’s Pearly Shells, written by Alan Fletcher/Tim Smith, produced & mixed by Robin Gray, and recorded at Allan Eaton Studios in Melbourne, Victoria.
So why not buy it today, help Fletch reach Number One on the charts and help a great cause at the same time? Oh, and let me know if you DO think this song really is an ear worm!
It always fascinates me how our children constantly challenge us and lead us to try new experiences we might never have considered ourselves. Take my daughter, for example, who’s now eighteen. As a child and young teenager, she would beg me to accompany her on the scariest rides at Movie World – like the Superman Ride… And I did.
Superman Ride at Movie WorldThe queue for the Superman Ride was long, but my fear made it move quickly. I was dreading boarding the carriages, convinced I’d become that one in a million chance statistic who was left hanging upside down mid-ride due to a technical failure. Of course, that never happened and I felt such an adrenalin rush from the G-force factor that once the ride was over, I immediately wanted to do it again and again.
From a tiny tot, Veronica has always had a passion for movies. As she grew older, that developed into a love of horror films. It didn’t really surprise me because I’d been the same at her age, until I saw Friday the 13th which took gore and blood-spattering to such an extreme level that I was put off horror for life. Veronica has since seen that too and declared it to be ‘lame and dated.’
So naturally she was over the moon with excitement when she saw the ads for the Cinema Nova Monster Fest – a 2-week celebration of horror films at the Carlton venue.
Cinema Nova Monster FestShe booked a couple of sessions to see with friends but there was one experience she wanted to share with me. The ALL NIGHT MOVIE MARATHON screening of FIVE back-to-back Nightmare on Elm Street films. Really? A WHOLE night of horror starting from 11.30pm sounded spooky enough, let along having to endure ONLY Freddie Krueger in all his gluey-faced glory, mauling his victims for more than eight hours…
Nightmare on Elm Street
But she caught me in a moment of weakness, when she’d been dealt one of life’s disappointments. Wearing her sad face and asking ever so sweetly, I got sucked in.
The event was last night.
Now here’s a spooky photo. Just before the screening, I took this on my I-phone and because it’s not hugely flattering for Ronnie, I might not have posted it – but check out what my flash did to the eyes of a couple of the other patrons… That’s not regular ‘red eye’ – that’s just weird… It was a spooky start.
Spooky photoLike the Superman Ride, I was dreading this experience too. Not just because of the horror I knew would make me jump and squirm, but because of the SLEEP DEPRIVATION… I haven’t been drinking much coffee at all lately, but last night I had three large cups – straight, strong and black.
I was pleasantly surprised by the festive nature of the screening. There really was an air of excitement among ‘Nightmare on Elm Street’ fans – some dressing up, others bringing bags packed with goodies, drinks and even dressing-gowns to get them through the night. There was also a trivia quiz at the end of each movie with prizes and lollies being handed out.
And it’s much funnier watching horror classics with diehard (‘scuse the pun) fans, because they will laugh uproariously in the most gory of moments because an actor’s bad line or lack of acting ability has since become infamous. (like Nancy’s mum in the first Nightmare movie – just appalling…)
Never Sleep AgainIt was also a wonderful irony that the movie’s major promotion line is ‘You’ll Never Sleep Again’. In the middle of our session, that’s kinda how I felt…
I had warned Veronica I might not be able to last the distance till 8.30am this morning. Even though she initially insisted she wanted to stay for ALL the movies, she agreed after the third movie – at 4.30 this morning – that our bums and legs were numb enough to warrant an exit pass. Thank God!!
(Although I am now on a promise to borrow DVDs of the movies we missed to watch at home.)
Where were you Freddie?
I finally fell into bed just after 5.30am. But the most horrific part of the experience was by far and away the DAMN BASTARD FORK LIFT DRIVER AND CONSTRUCTION WORKERS who revved up motors and power tools in our street at 6am and woke me up just half an hour later. Timing. Now that’s when I REALLY wanted Freddie Krueger to make an appearance.
Now, don’t you agree I deserve a Mother of the Year award???
