Hmm, that’s a provocative headline. My Dad Lied to Me. Well, in a way he did. And in a way, he didn’t. Let me explain.
Dad has been trying to get me to go with him to his weekly art classes in Mt Waverly on a Tuesday afternoon for several years. He thinks, because I haven’t painted much since high school, that my Rembrandt-esque talents are going to waste. My artistic dreams and enormous potential are not being fulfilled. (huge sigh…)
Like most parents, he has an over-inflated perception of his child’s ability. I am not Rembrandt, not ever will be. My artistic talents compared with the great master would add up to the amount he had in one atom of his smallest toenail. But Dad is right in one sense. In Year 12, I studied art as a subject and had visions of being accepted into the Victorian College of Arts. Yes, I thought I had a future as a painter.
Ewww. A muddy, impressionistic interpretation of Aussie landscape and as far from the sort of work accepted by the College of the Arts as you could imagine. So you can picture what they thought, this hip school of laid-back cool, when I stupidly turned up for an interview dressed in my Sunday-best. Naively, I thought it was appropriate and respectful to arrive on time and dressed conservatively, in a pleated skirt, neatly ironed shirt and new shoes. FAIL. I remember their comments as they looked me up and down in disbelief:
‘So you liked 19th century Australian art and the likes of Frederick McCubbin, huh?’ ‘Hmmm, did your art teacher do that for you?’ ‘How do you think you will survive as a painter?’ ‘You do realise that most artists have to waitress or stuff sausages to get by? Can you see yourself stuffing sausages??’
Stuffing sausages was something I hadn’t considered.
Then they suggested I go downstairs to visit the studios where the students worked. I knew straight away I wouldn’t get in. Abstract images in huge slabs of colour were plastered over massive canvases – aka artist Mark Rothko – alongside soaring geometric sculptures. Students dressed in goth garb, ripped t-shirts and paint-spattered black jeans eyed me disparagingly.
When I returned to the interview room, my paintings had been packed up and placed outside the door. Goodbye.
I didn’t paint much after that.
In recent years, I decided to experiment with modern art. Here is what I made for the main dining area of our sunroom. It’s my abstract interpretation of a mouth, because, after all, the dining room and the mouth go hand in hand. Eating, laughing, conversation, tasting etc…
I know. It really looks like an obscene internal intestinal organ.
But back to the bit about Dad lying. So he’s been harping on about art class and for years I’ve been ‘too busy’. In a couple of weeks, he’s going into hospital to have a pace-maker fitted. Apparently in the great scheme of medical practices, this isn’t a big deal. But by my reckoning, anything that messes with your heart is pretty major. A guilty conscience started eating away at me. YOU STILL HAVEN”T BEEN TO ART CLASSS WITH YOUR DAD!!! It was a loud voice.
Damn.
Alright already, I’ll go to bloody art class then. And that’s what I did yesterday. Dad was working on a piece from a photo he took on a trip to Europe. Today, his mission was to paint ducks on the lake.
He did a great job. But he lied. He made out everyone in the class just brought along something they were playing with – that everyone was basically a beginner and I wouldn’t feel out of place. And I knew it was a low-key art school in a back-shed somewhere in Mt Waverly, so I agreed, thinking, ‘This will be a breeze.’
Not exactly. Meet Diana. Practically a professional artist who’s just sold several pieces at her local art show and paints fruit so life-like, it just about jumps out of the bowl.
Then there’s Elaine. Elaine can whip up a Matisse-like still life in a matter of seconds. She’d half-finished this number before I’d finished unpacking.
And what about Jennifer (not me) who has a painting of Black Caviar with trainer Peter Moody on show right now at THE HIDDEN FACES OF THE ARCHIBALD PORTRAITS EXHIBITION until 28 September? She captures light streaming through a window like Renoir.
Yep, Dad had definitely lied. This was NOT a group of beginners. These were seriously talented artists and professionals. Still, you never stop learning and it was amazing to watch art teacher Peter Smales step in and help tweak a painting, improving it with the lightest touch.
So I guess the time has come for me to overcome my pride and and show you what I came up with…. I went in a completely different direction to everyone else. I’ve got a thing about the fluro fashion that’s everywhere right now, so thought I’d buy some neon paints and experiment.
Much has been said about feminist academic Germaine Greer in the past week and not much of it has been nice. Much of the hysterical criticism stems from Greer’s performance on the ABC’s QandA panel show last week. Comments she made about our PM’s backside and female genital mutilation have been met with SHOCK and HORROR and bandied about in newspaper headlines with great disgust — often taken out of context.
Keeping an open mind, I headed to a Melbourne Writers Festival session last Friday where Greer was to be interviewed by Benjamin Law about her life and passions. I was curious to see for myself. Was this iconic dynamo going to prove her critics right by ranting like a lunatic, or would she shine like the beacon of forward thinking that thousands claim her to be? Is all the brouhaha merely evidence that those in the privileged position of having a public voice can’t help but subscribe to our cultural sport of slashing down tall poppies to a dirt-eating level?
The interview started with an entertaining account from Greer about how she posed naked, ankles behind ears, for a university-produced magazine Suck. This evoked much laughter from the audience – the woman has a witty and self-deprecating sense of humour.
Then onto more serious matters, where in an erudite and passionate manner, she provided an impressive discourse on a wide range of topics.
Female genital mutilation wasn’t one of them, so I can’t pass judgment about that particular controversy, but if you’ve read that Greer almost condones the practice, you might be best off taking a look at a piece written by academic Dr Camille Nurka, a Lecturer in Gender Studies at the School of Social and Political Science at Melbourne University.
Instead of discrediting Greer with losing the plot, Nurka says Greer talked about the issue with much tact and sensitivity.
But back to the Festival Session. I’m not going to quote Greer at great length — rather, give you in point form six reasons why she won me over on the day.
(1) Greer hasn’t read Fifty Shades of Grey.
‘I’m not interested in 50 Shades of Grey. I’m not interested in fucking, buggery or spanking. Life’s too interesting to go into someone else’s suburban bedroom and start snuffling about. The ground is already so well trodden on all of this. And sado-masochism is something I dread in a way, because I’ve seen what happens in sadistic relationships and it’s horrifying. The fact is they become hooked on basic humiliation and crave it, which to me is horrifying, ghastly.’
(2) She made some excellent points about why our rape laws are archaic and need to be re-written, which would lead to a higher rate of prosecution.
‘There are very few convictions because rape is so hard to prove. … We should abandoncriminal rape and have a single law of sexual assault and then include everything that could possibly happen under that.’
‘Marriage is a mess as a social institution. You don’t know what you’re getting into because it’s a contract with no clauses and you don’t know what they are till you’re in the divorce courts. We need co-habitation agreements, which list clauses about children, money, sex etc… I was married for three weeks and then thought, hell, I’m not going to hang around for any more of that shit.’
(4) Her explanation regarding the comments she made about PM Julia Gillard’s dress sense.
‘I spoke for twenty minutes about what a great job she was doing as Prime Minister, then I make one flippant remark and that’s all anyone talks about. I’ve got the same figure as Julia – narrow shoulders and a fat arse. … Labor is putting too much pressure on her to be decorative and UN-serious. She should just wear what she’s comfortable in – plain suits – and get on with the job.’
(5) She promotes eco-feminism and getting back to nature.
‘Ideally, we should all try to have a small apartment in the city and a patch of earth in the bush which we try to get back to what it used to be in its natural state.’ (Spending time with nature)…it brings rewards in terms of solace. It doesn’t fix things, but it makes them easier to bear.’
AND MY FAVOURITE…
(6) Do Less Housework. Greer says women put too much pressure on each other to maintain an overly hygienic and picture-perfect home.
‘It’s okay to be dirty! STOP cleaning the house! It’s important every now and then, to be dirty.’
Hear, hear!! I’m throwing out the vacuum cleaner and washing detergent as I type.
While I didn’t agree with everything Greer said, I did admire her style, charisma and vigour. At least she’s original and dynamic, and in a world populated by sycophants who just want to please the crowd, it’s refreshing to hear someone who says what they like. And she gets us talking.
There’s a quote I remember reading from Greer many years ago, where she said, ‘I grew up thinking there was one unpardonable sin – to be boring.’ That, she never will be. Perhaps that’s why she never apologises for the controversies she causes either– and I like that too.
At the end of the session, several young groupies, armed with newly bought copies of The Female Eunuch, descended upon the stage for autographs. I could hear whispers from those who loved the session and some who were disappointed. Personally, I don’t see Greer as an ‘icon’ perched on a pedestal as high as the Rialto, but nor do I wish to kick her in her ‘fat arse’ for expressing a point of view. The woman did, after all, write a book that paved the way for the feminist movement and you’ve got to give her credit for helping to shape history.
I enjoyed her company for that hour, but afterwards, I didn’t want an autograph. Instead, I would love to have gone to the pub with her for a chinwag over a wine of two. With a person – not a hero, nor a villain. Now that could have been a very interesting night.
I can’t believe the Melbourne newspapers didn’t make more of a fuss. Australia’s leading lady of Hollywood has, for the FIRST TIME EVER, signed on to represent an Aussie brand and it only made page 21 of the Herald Sun?? Yet it’s front page news in Sydney’s Daily Telegraph. It seems a change in management ranks means we’ll be getting a much more serious and less tabloid Herald Sun in the future – which is fine, but why ignore a major entertainment story that also ties in with a brilliant and audacious business strategy by Australian company, Swisse?
And it is BIG news for Swisse because going global and competing with the big multi-nationals is no small feat. And if you’re going to take on the world markets, why not do it properly and sign on the nation’s queen of style? Swisse couldn’t have produced a lovelier photo of Nicole too – the perfect picture of grace and good health.
Kidman will be ambassador for the brand when Swisse rolls out its international campaign, starting with the United States in January. Then they’ll march on into the U.K., Europe and Asia. The TV ads and photos for the campaign will all be shot in Australia.
If you want to argue about who IS Australia’s leading lady of Hollywood, just look at the statistics. Nicole has been nominated for 8 Golden Globe awards, winning three, and is Australia’s only Best Female Oscar winner. But it’s not only her artistic achievements that make her a good fit for the brand. Her lifestyle and values give her exponential value as the total package. Being involved in international issues means she has also been honoured as a Companion of the Order of Australia in 2007 and is a global ambassador for UN Women that promotes gender equality and empowerment of women and girls worldwide.
Kidman chose Swisse because she likes the idea of being part of a small Australian family-built company (about to get a whole lot bigger!) that is commited to good health and well-being. ‘I joined Swisse because I wanted to help bring awareness to the importance of living a healthy lifestyle in a busy, often stressful world,’ she said.
Only last week, Swisse was announced as BRW’s winner of the most successful Australian private business of the year. (with a turnover of $100 million plus)
Part of their marketing success relies on rolling ad campaigns using famous faces. They sponsor top TV shows and are also a major presence at Melbourne’s Spring Racing Carnival.
On Thursday night, they kicked off their racing season with a launch party at South Yarra’s newest and coolest restaurant, Mama Baba. Swisse CEO Radek Sali spoke about how they’re expanding the brand to release a skin care and body range, and will soon be unveiling protein bars and sports supplements.
And Sali is thrilled about their new partnership with Kidman. ‘Nicole Kidman is a much loved Australian overseas and we know that Swisse will be Australia’s most loved health and wellness brand overseas in coming months and years,’ he said.
Swisse have also become famous for their amazing parties and the Mama Baba event was a stand-out. Finger food from Masterchef George Colombaris’ kitchen was superb and French champagne, Laurent-Perrier, flowed freely. The guest list read like the who’s who of Melbourne, and you can understand why. If you get invited to a Swisse party, you’re guaranteed quality food AND company. Here’s some of the people Fletch and I ran into on the night:
To give the guests a taste of what’s to come from Swisse, Goodie Bags were handed out when we left the party. (yay!) I’m yet to try the creams, but I can assure you, those sleep tablets work a treat.
